Sunday, May 4, 2014

Exceptions to the Rules of my Life

Stephe. Has ask for me to remember to add some posative posts as well.  Appareny the negative posts get a bit hard to handle.

My life is not all bad and I see his point. Not to mention that my own story and the clear picture of my family and some insite into their lives can beccome overwhelming for me. 

I started this blog by saying that Stephen clearly violated my trust and exposed my childhood to people who had no right to know about it. So today I want to focus on why I did not choose my very comfortable reaction to his actions. My life long protocal has always been that if someone hurt me I first explode the  after the dust settles I walk away, place them and that part of my life in a tightly closed box and move on.

My children have always been the exception to this rule, when as adults they hurt me, I may shove things in a mental box but I never close it.  Until recently I never considered Stephen to also be an exception to this rule. It was 't until I had already made the decision to walk away that I realized that maybe he should be an exception to my rule.

I can honestly say that I didn't choose to stay because he makes all the money, yes he makes a lot more than I do, but I currently work a crap pay job because I want to. I wanted a job that made a difference in people's lives, a job that allows me a lot of time with my children and a job that I wanted to go to every day. I have and still could make a lot more money. I posses an education, work history and skills to work in the corprate world and support myself and my children. His pay check means nothing if I wanted to leave that would not be a henderance for me. 

I didn't stay because it is best for the kids. I am well aware that an unhappy marriage is a lot worse on a child than single co-parenting. 

I chose to stay because under the deception, behind the lies and beyond the broken trust is a man that I truly love. I love so much about him that I know that the good in him out weighs the bad.

I love his talent for photography, his ambision when he wants something, the way he is with our children, the goals that he has for himself and our family, the support he has given me and somethings better left unsaid!

I don't need his pay check but I do need him. I need the feeling of knowi g that he will be there at night when I go to bed, the comfort that comes when I hear him sleeping, the patience be has with our children and the children we have brought into our life and home. I need the emotional support he gives me and the love he brings to our family.

I can honestly say he may have given me a box full of reasons to walk away but he has given me a life time of reasons to stay.