Friday, June 13, 2014

Hmm didn't realize I never finished or posted this??

Anger seems to be sticking with me at the moment.

I should be writing about my childhood and working up to my marriage, but since my mother's recent death I can't seem to focus on my childhood. I am sure it is a mental thing, but I am seriously not interested in trying to figure it out today.

Today, during marriage counseling, for the first time my husband  actually showed some emotion about us. Until now the only emotion I have seen is anger towards me and one emotional moment when he was speaking to his mother.

I fully expected to welcome some emotions relating to the things he has done to hurt me and destroy our marriage. I was a but taken back by the anger that whelled up inside me. 

Not to say I haven't been angry at him over all of this, but about 90% of the time  I have been very accepting and fairly calm.

When I saw him get emotional while saying how he didn't think I knew how much it meant to him that I spenf the day out riding bikes with him, I became furious! 

I have spent 8 years of my life begging for his time, pleading with him not to shut me out and giving up every interest I have had and allowing his hobbies to take over my life just so that I could get a minute or two of his time. My reaction was how dare he act like I have never given him my time before! Him, our children and work have always had all of my time. I have rarely had any time for myself because I give it all to them.