Monday, July 14, 2014

Interesting Information

Seems my husband read an article about sex addiction.

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-28252612

First thing that grabbed my attention was the comparison to drug addicts and sex addicts, and that there is question about how early exposure is linked to addiction in adulthood.

This jumps out at me because one of the the women my husband was involved with during our marriage has spent a lot of time and energy accusing me of being the reason that both of my former step children grew up to be addicts as adults. 

Here is the reality of the situation. Since their birth ( even before really ) both children were exposed to drug use. To the point that they ran around in their walkers, in a house that was filled with smoke from the drugs being dried in the oven or the second hand smoke from their mother smoking pot near them. 

Even after my x got custody, the courts ordered unsupervised visitstion, so there were times that I have walked up to the car their mother was driving to meet me so that I could get the kids after their visit with her, and I couldn't see inside the car for the cloud of smoke. 

Pot was just a very frequently and practically openly used drug. There was also meth and a lot of street use of prescription meds as well.

I fought against visitation for 13 years! I also during those years spent several years attempting to help their mother get clean. But no matter what the situation was I ask repeatedly for all visitation to be supervised. The thing is my x saw their rare and random visits with their mother as a chance to get a break. I totally get that, I need a break from my children from time to time but never do I get so desperate for a break that I will allow my children to be alone with a known drug user. My step-chikdren, which I love as much as my birth children did not fall under my rules though. I had no legal way of preventing the visits. 

Even if I could have stopped the visits, that would not erase the damage that was done before I came into their lives. 

I did all that I possibly could. Every adult in our home worked, while in my care the kids had to work to earn privileges ( video games, phones ect ) there was never any drug use in our home, we did not associate with drug users, the kids went to church and school and had everything they needed. I tried to get them counseling but my x put a stop to that when the counselor insisted on family counseling. 

Their mother was not a constant in their lives, she went through spurts of showing up a lot and then disappearing for long periods of time. Her absence seemed to make them want her even more. So when she showed up they were eager to be with her as much as possible. 

It did not matter what my protests were, they were allowed, against my begging and pleading, to go alone with their mother, who openly used drugs around them. Their mother is the person who started them using drugs as teenagers.

Really the only thing I could have done was kidnap them and hide them until they were adults, which is illegal and not exactly a realistic option. 

But lets say that I had of managed to sever all contact with their mother.  According to this article it may not have done any good. I did not give birth to these children and I was not there to prevent early exposure during the first years of their lives.

It makes me wonder, how this woman, who is a nurse, can turn such a blind eye to the reality that I am not the person who led my former step children unto drug addiction. How can her own obsession with my husband over shadow her medical knowledge?  ( and yes it is an obsession, she has admitted to saving every correspondence with him for well over 10 years and has refused to stop contacting him to the point that he had to change his number and block all electronic access in order to make her stop )  

Of my birth children, none of them have been exposed to drug use. They are well aware of the fact that their older siblings have drug addictions, but they were not allowed around any drug use ever. Now my former step daughter was  trying drugs at age 12 but never in our home or around her siblings. My older children are 20 and nearly 16, to date I have had no battles with drugs. 

They may not always make the best adult level choices but they have had no drug addiction issues. 

This whole thing also reminds me of another family member. This person grew up in the same family as me, she experienced sexual abuse at the hands of men who obvioisly also have sick sexual addiction issues of their own.  This is something that has been a not so well kept secret in my father's side of the family for many generations. But this one person in my family chose at a young age to keep her children away from the sexual preditors and drug addicts that could have easily influenced her children. Today she has two of the most responsible, mature, mentally healthy children I have ever came across. No drug issues no sexual addictions. Which in my opinion is very much down to the fact that she prevented her children from being exposed to these addictions as they grew up.

My own children were never exposed to sexual addictions, porn or any form of sexual content and they too escaped the sexual addictions that are so prevalent in our family.

The article also made me think twice about what my children are able to see on tv and the internet.