Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Turning Points

On the topic of my marriage again,  Recently I have written a couple of posts about my husband's lack of ability to sever his connection to the cyber life he is so strongly addicted to. 

Yesterday started off difficult, for many reasons, but partly because I had the opportunity to confront one of the women who followed my husband into our marriage. 

Let me say clearly that I do not believe that women pursuimg my husband was the reason for his addiction to cyber affairs. Reality is that when he chose to be inapropriately involved with any woman, that was his choice alone and he  will carry the responsability of  his actions. 

However, with that said, I find it inexcusable for a woman to know that a man she was involved with has moved on and gotten married, and still pursue him. Even worse she had no way to contact him other than our joint facebook account, so she chatted with me, pretended to need some papers from years before. She came back several times asking me to ask my husband about various papers that she already had, until finally she tried when he was the person who saw the message. She put time and effort into trying to contact him secretly. She then spent months telling him how they were the couple that should have been and how they had unfinished buisness. 

Again, he is responsible for his actions, but she is responsible for her actions and I believe she should have to face up to what she has done. 

The result was that she wanted to call me all sorts of names. So a woman who pursued my husband for months and then had an affair with him for years wanted to call me a whore? Ummm yeah. It just happened that my husband saw her message before I did. For the first time in our marriage, he became angry about one of his cyber girlfriends attacking me. It was like something finally clicked within him and he realized he has been facilitating and promoting completely unwarranted verbal attacks on me and he finally realized that it was his job to make those attacks stop, his job to protect and defend me. And that is exactly what he did! Not one hesitation or any need to complement or appologize to her but a full on defence of his wife! He has no idea what his defence of me has done to help up move in the direction of healing and repairing the damage he has done. 

There is a lot more work to do, there are still women who refuse to sever ties with him and he still needs to take steps to make that happen. But yesterday he took the second biggest step toward our future together. 

This was not the end of the women attacking me as I thought it was when I started writing this post. Turns out that when some women make male virtual friends, male friends that they never have a sexual relationship with, but a relationship where the man  has a lot of complements for them and flurts with them, the women then become highly offended when that relationship comes to an end. 

Two such women wanted to take real swipes at me. I, unlike my husband have no issue with publicly calling them out. 
One woman named Elizabeth Peterson who is some sort of hunter and my husband has been following her blog ( http://www.deerpassion.com/p/im-small-town-girl-from-central-kansas.html?m=1 ) google circles and on twitter. Seems she finds it rediculas that he needs to remove women from his social media and believes I need to get my act together.

The other is a woman falconer named Rebbeca O'connor who apparently wrote a book titled " Lift", and the blog she writes that my husband had been using as an excuse to talk to her  http://heckledbyparrots.com/blog/

This woman became very unstable acting when pressed to remove my husband from her google circles. Everything from mad that he insinuated that she would ever have an affair with him, pissy that he was asking her more than once to remove him ( mind you two requests  with over a month in between ) to accusing me of impersonating him and harrassing her. The rants she went on clearly showed she had an unhealthy attachment to my husband and was upset about him not being able to spend his time lavishing complements and encouragements on her.

I honestly think he surrounded himself with needy mentally unstable women, maybe because they tend to stick around and play his game out of desperation for attention? I don't know but certainly find it odd. 

It is amazing how removing most social media and cutting the affairs out of our life has changed my husband's prospective and how he sees me and our life together.

I have no doubt that we have a long uncomfortable road ahead of us but I do feel that the last couple of weeks have been a real turning point in our attempt to repair the damage that has been done.