Thursday, September 4, 2014

The Cowards Way

Things have been somewhat hectic the last few days. A nasty storm blew in and tore the neighborhood up a bit. The neighbors lost their swimming pool, swingset and a lot of their fence.

That of course is not why I need to write a blog. It is just a little tidbit if my life as it stands at the moment.

I need to write besically because I am to cowardly to have an affair. If I could bring myself to have an affair then I would have a place to go and someone to comfort me when my husband chooses to emotionally smack me in the face.

This time his family have been swiping at me for days and he swore that if I just gave him a few days to think about what he wanted to say he would defend me and tell them all that what they are doing is not right. He has gone on about how mad he is about how they have been toward me. But in the end he still can not bring himself to defend me, instead he sent them an email that I was not included in and said for them to not to send any emails any more as this is none of their or my business.

So sine I am to much of a coward to have an affair and find comfort in some person who might consider treating me the way I should be treated, I am sitting in my car alone, crying because my husband is an ass who never has and never will actually defend me when I am right and because he has never kept a promise to me, ever and because even though he has put me through hell none of this is my business.

I should walk away and never look back, but again I am a coward, I fear being without this person who really does not deserve or appriciate me. I don't know why that is, I have never feared being alone and honestly crave it these days. It is him that I don't want to be without, which makes me pretty pathetic really.